


Trivial

by killer_quean



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Board Games, Early in Canon, F/F, Flirting, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killer_quean/pseuds/killer_quean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a slow night in the Warehouse. Claudia finds a Trivial Pursuit game somewhere in the shelves. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trivial

**Author's Note:**

> Set hand-wavily late in Season 2, so this contains no real spoilers beyond that point.

"For the last time," insisted Artie, "the Peace of Westphalia did NOT end the Thirty Years' War!"

"But the card says 'Peace of Westphalia,'" said Pete with a triumphant laugh, "so hand over the die to TEAM AWESOME!"

"No!" sputtered Artie as his glasses began to slide off. "Cardinal Richelieu's map ended the Thirty Years' War! It was imbued with the ability to shift geopolitical power, so when Mazarin brought it to--"

"Artie," said Leena with steely resolve, "It's our turn."

"You two are worse than the Regents," he muttered as he handed the die to Leena.

Claudia clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry!" she said. "We'll teach those whippersnappers who's boss!"

The game of Trivial Pursuit had been Claudia's idea. It was a slow week, and without a mission to distract them, they'd all been stuck doing inventory until Claudia had found the game wedged between Jean-Baptiste Alliette's tarot deck and Nefertiti's Senet board. Artie had launched into his usual rant about not playing with the artifacts, but Claudia searched the artifact manifest and showed him that there was nothing in there about Trivial Pursuit. It had probably just been left there by another agent, she'd reasoned, and since Myka, H. G., Pete, and Leena were all tired of inventory, Artie eventually had to give in.

He was now flamboyantly regretting ever agreeing to this, but Leena ignored him and rolled the die as Pete whooped, "Team Awesome's ready for some pie!" He paused. "Oh man, now I want real pie..."

"Focus, Pete!" said Leena. She rolled a five and counted ahead. "Do we want Entertainment or Sports & Leisure? I'm thinking Entertainment."

"Yeah," said Pete, "That sounds good." Leena moved their piece to the pink square.

"Wow," said Myka as she drew a card. "Pete, you're branching out!" Her face darkened. "Wait, are you getting a vibe? That's cheating!"

"Team Awesome will win by the force of awesomeness alone," declared Pete.

"Ooh, I want to read this time!" said H. G. as she took the card from Myka's hand.

"That's rude!" giggled Myka as she slapped H. G.'s hand. H. G. kept the card and gave Myka a playful, triumphant little shove.

Artie rolled his eyes.

"All right, all right!" said H. G. as she looked down at the card. "Let's see. Which _All In The Family_ spinoff also starred two Golden Girls?" She turned to Myka. "Oh my, that's very interesting! What's a spinoff? And golden girls--why, that sounds positively artifact-related!"

"Hey!" said Pete. "No distracting the other players! She can tell you all about the twentieth century later. Now I gotta think..."

" _Maude_!" said Leena.

H. G. looked at the back of the card. "Oh, yes! That's correct." Pete and Leena high-fived.

"Dude, how did you know that?" said Claudia. "All the pop-culture questions are like ancient history! My talents are wasted here." Artie shot her a look.

"Mrs. Frederic really likes _The Golden Girls,_ " said Leena matter-of-factly. Nobody knew quite what to say to this. She rolled the die again- a three.  
"Yes!" said Pete as Leena moved their piece onto the brown square where they had the opportunity to win what Pete kept referring to as "pie."

Myka drew a card and grinned at H. G. "This one's mine!" She turned to Pete. "Art and Literature, eh?" She read from the card. "What was Jane Austen's first published novel?" Pete groaned. "Now are you going to make fun of me for my quote-unquote girl books?'" Myka gloated.

Leena thought a moment. "Wait, I might know this. We have the manuscript here in the Warehouse! Which means it's got something spooky about it, which means... _Northanger Abbey_!"

"No!" said Myka, "Though a good guess. _Sense and Sensibility_."

"You were close," added H. G. " _Northanger Abbey_ was indeed the first novel Austen completed, but _Sense and Sensibility_ was the first one to actually be published."

"Man, we should never have let you two be on the same team," said Pete.

"Don't worry," said Leena. "Wait'll they get a sports question. They're going down."

"Whoa, Leena!" said Claudia. "Harsh!"

"Sorry," Leena replied.

"No!" said Claudia. "I kinda like it! Even _you_ have a ruthless side-- who knew?"

Leena handed the die to H. G., who rolled it with a gleeful giggle.

"Wait, Artie, _Sense and Sensibility_ 's an artifact?" asked Myka. "What does it do?"

"You ever wish you had a sister?" asked Artie.

"Uh, not really," replied Myka.

"Then don't read the manuscript," he said.

"Ooh, one of those special squares where you get the little plastic thing!" exclaimed H. G. as she moved their piece. "Yellow."

Artie drew a card and read. "When did Valentina Tereshkova make history as the first woman in space?"

"Ooh!" said H. G. to Myka. "How exciting! Well, it must have been around, oh, 1920? 1925? How am I doing?"

"Terribly!" Myka laughed. "You know, deciding to sit out the whole twentieth century does have its consequences." She thought a moment. "1963!"

"Dammit!" muttered Artie. "Yes, that's it, take your piece and take another turn..." Myka triumphantly placed the yellow wedge in their game piece.

"1963- that late?" asked H. G. "I'm disappointed! Why, if I'd had a few more years to work on my own rocket, that could have been me up there."

"Dude, how did you even know that?" Pete said to Myka.

"One, I notice details," said Myka, "And two, Valentina Tereshkova was a childhood hero of mine."

"And yet it's only _now_ you realize you like girls?" teased Pete.

"Very funny," said Myka. H. G. giggled. Myka snatched the die from H. G. and rolled. "Let's go for geography," she said. H. G. agreed.

Claudia drew a card and read. "What empire was founded by Sundiata Keita in the thirteenth century?"

"Oh, I know this!" said H. G. "We had a terracotta statue of him in Warehouse 12! It's the Mali Empire."

"Right!" exclaimed Myka. "The Epic of Sundiata!"

"Wells and Bering strike again!" said H. G.

"Bering and Wells," corrected Myka.

"Mali Empire is correct," said Claudia dejectedly. "But one of these days, you will get a question that has nothing to do with books, and on that day--"

"Team Awesome will taste victory," interrupted Leena with cold determination.

"Let's just let them roll," sighed Artie.

They did, and landed first on a Roll Again square, and then on a brown square that promised yet another of the coveted plastic wedges that H. G. found so delightful.

"Arts and Literature!" exclaimed Myka. "Let's hear it."

Claudia rolled her eyes and drew a card. She read the card with a smirk on her face.

"Spider-Man creator Stanley Martin Lieber is more commonly known by what name?"

"Spider-Man?" sputtered Myka. "This was supposed to be literature!" Pete erupted into laughter.

"Well," said H. G., "We could figure this out. Um. Well..."

"Helena, you're brilliant, but the twentieth century is not your forte. How am I supposed to know that?" complained Myka to the rest of the group. "Seriously, Spider-Man?"

"Is that your answer?" said Claudia.

"We give up," H. G. admitted.

"Stan Lee!" shouted Pete. He was _dancing_.

"He speaks the truth," said Claudia. "Now hand over the die!"

Myka gave it up, grudgingly. Claudia rolled it.

"Claudia, does this seem off to you?" asked Artie anxiously.

"No," said Claudia. "What, you think someone's cheating?" She shot glances to the whole group. "Who's cheating?"

"No," said Artie. "I mean--" he looked up at the rest of the group. "This game's... agitating us. Pete's doing some kind of dance over there--"

"Seems normal to me," said Claudia with a shrug.

"No, no, something's not right," insisted Artie. "I mean, this game is a total waste of our time, and we should be getting ahead on inventory, but I feel irresistibly compelled to... _win_. And Leena!" he turned to her. "I had no idea you had a competitive side!"

"You're just intimidated," replied Leena smugly.

"What about them?" said Claudia, gesturing to Myka and H. G. "They're in a great mood."

"They're too distracted," said Pete. "Cause they're--"

"Winning," said Artie, narrowing his eyes at them.

"...Yeah," said Pete, nodding slowly. "Uh, winning. That's exactly what I was going to say." Myka stuck out her tongue at him, while H. G. only smiled enigmatically.

"Not for long!" exclaimed Claudia as she rolled the die. "Let's go, Grandpa! Ok, in a choice between science and sports, I think I our course is clear." She moved the piece to a green square.    

Leena drew a card and read. "Which mathematician designed the early computer known as the Automatic Computing Engine?"

"Alan Turing," said Claudia and Artie simultaneously.

"Whoa, seriously?" said Myka.

"Hello!" said Claudia. "You're looking at a cryptographer and a hacker here. Next!"

This began a remarkable run of correct answers, but despite knowing who destroyed Tenochtitlan ("And its Warehouse! Bastard!" muttered Artie), the name of the mythical female Pope ("Mythical my ass!" was Artie's comment), the city where 21 people were killed by a flood of molasses in 1919 ("Actually, not artifact-related," remarked Artie), and so many other pieces of trivia they began to lose track, they still hadn't managed to land on a square that might win them one of the wedges.

"Dammit!" said Claudia when yet another roll failed. "This is getting freaky."

"See! See!" said Artie. "It's getting _freaky_! Improbable things are happening! We're turning against each other! Don't you see what's happening?" he implored the group, gesturing wildly at the board.

"You think the game is an artifact?" asked Myka.

"YES!" was Artie's exasperated reply.

"Ok, ok, calm down!" said Pete. "There's a solution to that. Let's just goo it and keep playing."

"We can't do that!" said Leena. "If we spray the board with neutralizer, we might knock some pieces out of place--" she glanced at everyone in quick succession "--and none of us can be trusted not to tamper with the game to our own advantage."

"You have a point," said Pete. "Team Awesome is against gooing the board!"

"Leena, we're Warehouse agents!" protested Myka. "We're not going to cheat. Look, if we're worried it's an artifact, shouldn't we just bag it to be safe?"

"No!" shouted everyone but Artie.

"How would we know who won?" said Claudia. "No, we gotta finish this, _then_ bag the sucker. I don't care if it takes all night."

It did not take all night, but it was three hours before a winner finally emerged: Pete and Leena. After their impromptu dance party and raucous cheering about the inevitable and eternal triumph of Team Awesome eventually died down, Artie rummaged for some gloves, put them on, then tossed the entire game into a bag.

Everyone ducked.

Nothing happened.

"Perhaps it's a bifurcated artifact?" suggested H. G.

"No," grumbled Claudia. "It's not an artifact at all." She looked plaintively at Artie. "Which means we lost for entirely non-artifactey reasons."

"Well," said H. G., "This all brings to mind one of the many lessons I learned playing chess in Warehouse 12."

"Which is?" asked Claudia.

H. G. smiled. "That board games can turn anyone into a monster." Pete looked alarmed. "Metaphorically," she clarified.

"You don't have to tell me that!" said Myka. "You should play Scrabble with my father."

"Ooh, meeting the parents already?" teased Pete.

"...By which I mean, you should never, ever actually play Scrabble with my father," Myka added.

"Well, that was very productive," said Artie. "Now, let's never do it again."

"Rematch!" whispered Claudia to Pete and Leena. "You're going down!"

"We'll see about that," Leena laughed.

Later that night, back in Myka's room in the B&B, H. G. and Myka stayed up talking long after the rest of the house had gone silent.

"It was nice to hear about Warehouse 12," said Myka. "I mean, your everyday life--playing chess and stuff. I can picture it a little better now."

H. G. smiled wistfully. "Tonight was a little like some of the better days I remember from those times."

"You know," said Myka, "I grew up playing chess, but it's been so long. I think we should play sometime."

"Are you sure?" asked H. G. with a sly grin. "I'm quite ruthless."

"I like that about you," said Myka. "And don't underestimate me, Helena Wells. I can be pretty ruthless myself."

"Well," said H. G. "Forgive me if I have other things on the mind than chess at the moment. For example, I'd very much like to kiss you."

"Thought you'd never ask."


End file.
